


The safest place

by Abi_snail



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dwalin is protective, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, There is sex in this, Thorin is an ass, dwalin/fili - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 18:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14503410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abi_snail/pseuds/Abi_snail
Summary: Please be mindful of the warnings in the tags! Thorin and Kili are assholes in this, I love them but this was just something I needed to write. This is my first time posting here, I have this up on another site. Comments are always welcome :DAs always, I do not own any of the characters, I just like to play with them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be mindful of the warnings in the tags! Thorin and Kili are assholes in this, I love them but this was just something I needed to write. This is my first time posting here, I have this up on another site. Comments are always welcome :D
> 
>  
> 
> As always, I do not own any of the characters, I just like to play with them.

Dwalin watched the back of Fili's blond head as he walked down the long halls of Erebor. He nodded politely in silent acknowledgment to the people he passed, just as courteous as he'd ever been. It was something about the young prince that Dwalin always found admirable. It didn't matter what his title was, didn't matter if he was around royalty or common folk, Fili was kind to everyone.

His dark haired brother walked beside him, head held high and his walk cocky. Dwalin liked him well enough, he wasn't a bad lad, he was just young and full of himself. It only got worse after the elf had come along. Once she was in his life Kili became almost unbearably full of himself.

The brothers who had once been attached at the hip suddenly spent less and less time together.

Dwalin supposed that was the natural order of things, you grow up and move on, start a family of your own...but he didn't think Kili would have it in him to all but abandon Fili.

It wasn't his place to say anything of course, but Dwalin worried. He worried for the older boy, the golden prince with his too big heart. He'd noticed a shift after the journey, after the battle. Fili wasn't himself. A darkness had settled over him, dulling the light that used to burn so brightly inside of him. He knew how hard war could be, Dwalin was a warrior through and through, he'd seen and done things most couldn't even imagine in their darkest dreams...but it had hit the young dwarf especially hard it seemed.

Dwalin would never forget seeing Azog hold Fili up and run him through with his blade, he'd hear the sound of him hitting the cold ground echoing in his head until the day he died. He thought him dead, was sure there was no life in him. When he'd picked the broken body up to return him home to be laid to rest, he couldn't stop his tears when he felt the faintest breath leave Fili's bloody lips.

He carried him down from Ravenhill himself, ran him to the healers tents and demanded everyone assist the boy. He never would have imagined it would be king Thranduil that sat there with Fili day in and day out, never leaving, never giving up on him.

Dwalin had thanked him over and over, every time he saw the elf king thanks spilled from his mouth endlessly. The elf would give a tight smile and nod, assuring the warrior that thanks wasn't necessary. Dwalin couldn't remember seeing Kili or Thorin in there during those long nights, couldn't remember them even asking after Fili's fate.

He shook his head and pushed the thoughts down, he couldn't face Thorin if they replayed themselves over and over. He loved Thorin and Kili...but the way they had acted left something to be desired.

As they neared the door to the room they'd be meeting in, Kili nudged his brother in the ribs. It didn't seem like he'd hit him too hard, but Dwalin noted the way Fili had flinched, the way his shoulders slumped, the way his breathing changed.

Kili marched into the room without a care in the world, he knew he wouldn't really have to pay much attention. He wasn't the heir, he got to just relax.

Dwalin stopped Fili with a hand on his shoulder. "You alright lad?"

He smiled softly but his eyes remained sad. "I'm fine Mr. Dwalin, thank you."

The confidence that once radiated off of him just wasn't there, he hardly even met Dwalin's eyes as they spoke. He turned quickly and entered the room, Dwalin following after him, taking his place near the back of the room.

Thorin droned on and on about an upcoming visit from Dain. Kili picked at his shirt and paid no attention to the conversation, Fili was as attentive as ever.

"Fili you'll be in charge of showing them around, he's bringing his son,and I want him to enjoy his time here."

Fili nodded silently, eyes cast down on the table. He glanced over at his brother, almost as if wondering what he'd be doing while Fili was on babysitting duty.

"Is that clear?"

Fili jumped slightly, his spine going stiff. "Yes uncle, of course. You know you can rely on me."

Thorin didn't bother to respond, just continued talking and barking orders, getting everything ready for the visit.

Dwalin couldn't be bothered to listen to Thorin rambling, his focus was on Fili. He seemed to sink further into his chair, trying to vanish under the table, trying to escape. Dwalin had to wonder where his light had gone...

When the meeting was over Kili ran off to find his elf. Fili waited to be sure Thorin was done with him, when he was properly dismissed he left slowly, the tension obvious in his shoulders.

Dwalin's chest tightened as he watched the young prince limp away. He had given up on his cane sooner than anyone would have liked, but Fili was always a stubborn thing and insisted he was strong enough to walk unassisted, despite the pain being obvious on his face with every step he took.

Dwalin admired the young dwarf but gods, there was nothing he wanted more than to try to fix his pain. He was about to run after him, offer him words of support, let him know that he understood...but Thorin stopped him to run his mouth about security for Dain's visit.

He didn't see Fili until dinner that night. He looked dead on his feet, the dark circles under his eyes seeming much darker than they had earlier. His braids were loose, as if he had slept with them in.

Fili grabbed his food and sat hard at the end on a long table, he took the chair closest to the door, eyeing it and the easiest path to it. Dwalin understood that habit all too well.

He grabbed his own dinner and headed for Fili's table, passing his usual seat beside Balin. His older brother watched him head toward a different table but made no attempt to stop him.

"Hello prince Fili, was wondering if you wouldn't mind some company?"

The blond smiled slightly. "That would be fine Mr. Dwalin."

He sat across from him, careful to keep his movements slow.

"Thank you prince Fili-"

"Just Fili, you know that." He smiled, this time brighter.

Dwalin returned it and started eating his supper. He glanced at Fili every now and then, wondering why he was just poking at his food and not actually eating it.

"You feel ok Fili?"

"Just tired I guess."

The older dwarf nodded but didn't believe a word Fili said. He focused on the table, trying to not make Fili uncomfortable. Fili sighed and dropped his fork onto his plate before standing.

"I think I will call it an early night, I need to sleep. Please excuse me, Mr. Dwalin."

He nodded again. "Alright, will you be ok making it there on your own?"

"I will be fine, thank you."

Dwalin had half a mind to follow him, to make sure he really did make it to his room ok, but it wasn't his place. Fili would have asked if he really needed help.

Dwalin watched as Fili left, watched his hand dart down to his leg and rub it when he thought he was out of sight.

He wanted to run and aid the young prince but he stayed firmly planted in his seat...it wasn't his place. Dwalin had to keep repeating that like a mantra.

If at the end of the night he passed by Fili's room and listened for a moment, well it was no ones business but his own.

~~~

Fili managed a full 40 minutes of sleep before the nightmares became too much. He laid in his bed, eyes locked on the ceiling as he willed the tears to stop.

It was getting to be too much and he was at a loss for what to do about it. He couldn't talk to Thorin and Kili was never suited for such things.

Fili was alone.

Without moving his eyes he reached toward the table beside his bed, his fingers wrapped around the familiar coolness of the knife he kept there. It was small, thin and made for throwing, but the tip proved to be exceptionally sharp.

He wasn't really sure when he started doing this, he had no idea where the thought had even come from, but there he was, pressing it once again to his battle scarred skin and sighing when it broke through, the warmth of the blood trickling from the shallow wound filling his head with a hazy heaviness.

He didn't bother getting up to clean the cut off, there was no point. He knew the importance of keeping them clean of course, he just simply couldn't find it in himself to care.

He placed the knife back on the table with a shaking hand and tried to drift off again.

Sleep never took him again, refused to be found. Every shadow in his room danced in a threatening way, making his heart pound painfully in his chest, every sound had his eyes wide and scanning.

If it wasn't by his own hand, surly he would die from his obvious insanity.


	2. Chapter 2

As always, Fili got up and was dressed appropriately, his braids neat and clothes tidy. To any eyes just passing, he looked like his old self, the limp only adding to the stories of his bravery.

He smiled in greeting to all he passed, polite, a proper prince.

The pants he wore rubbed at the fresh cut on his thigh, he'd chosen dark trousers in case it opened and bled through.

No one stopped him, no one asked how he was, no one noticed a single thing wrong with the image before them.

But he was crumbling, just barely holding it together. He wondered how no one had no idea. He didn't think that he was that good at lying...

Kili came running up behind him, slapping him on the back so hard it knocked the wind from his lungs, the area stinging from the force of his hand.

He pulled away from his younger brother slightly, hoping he wouldn't notice. "Good morning Kili."

"Thorin told me to let you know Dain is coming early, you need to be there to greet them."

It wasn't the best news but he could deal. "When will we be meeting them?"

"Not we, Thorin thinks it's a job best suited for you."

"Alone?"

Kili shrugged. "You know I'm not big on these meetings, you'll be fine." He smirked as if challenging the older of the two to argue. "If you don't want to, you can take it up with Thorin."

It felt like a threat.

"No, no it's fine."

"I have to find Tauriel, let me know how it goes." He raced off.

Fili knew he didn't actually care about how it went, just glad he was off the hook for doing any real work.

He made his way to the library, knowing Thorin was often there in the mornings. He knew he had to at least get the details from his uncle, find out exactly what he needed to do.

Ori smile at him when he entered. It was a genuine smile, not forced simply because royalty was before him. Ori was just that kind of dwarf, caring to his very core.

"Hello prince Fili!"

He found himself smiling back. "Hello Ori, how are you?"

"I'm very well thank you. Can I help you with anything?"

"I was just wondering if you had seen my uncle by any chance?"

Thorin entered as the question left Fili's lips. "Oh you're here."

Fili flinched slightly at his uncles tone and the coldness of his glare.

"Yes, Kili told me about Dain's early arrival and that I am to greet them. I-I just need to know where you want me to be and when."

Thorin rolled his eyes. "They will be here by noon. Be at the bridge ready at least twenty minutes early. If you are late..."

He let the implied threat linger in the air and Fili hated the way his heart raced.

"I won't be late uncle, I swear it. Once they arrive where would you like me to take them?"

He sighed. "The throne room, I will meet them there. Go now, you're giving me a headache."

He nodded silently, not trusting his voice. He could feel the sting of tears and knew that if he opened his mouth his voice would crack. He couldn't face the look he was sure Thorin would give him if that happened, the disappointment and disgust.

He excused himself and headed off to the kitchens. He had no plans to eat but sometimes it was nice to just sit and watch the every day hustle and bustle.

~~~

Dwalin cleared his throat as he entered the library. Ori waved quickly then turned back to a scroll he'd been reading.

Thorin smiled at his oldest friend. "Good morning Dwalin. What brings you here?"

"I was just going to watch the recruits spar, I couldn't help overhear that Prince Fili will be greeting Dain soon."

"Yes, he had better remember his place and his manners." His voice was hard.

Dwalin drew in a breath to calm the sudden burst of anger that raced through his veins.

"I have no doubt that he will do perfectly well. I was just wondering if you'd like me to escort him down there. Dain can be a bit much for even us, I'm sure it would put the young prince at ease to have a....friend there with him."

Thorin shrugged. "I'm sure you have more important things to do."

"No, I really don't. The recruits are still settling in so I'm not running them into the ground yet." He laughed quietly. "I really wouldn't mind."

"You can escort him if you'd like. I'm not ordering it though, so you're free to change your mind."

He bowed slightly and thanked his king before leaving to find Fili.

His hands shook in anger from the way Thorin spoke about the prince. Fili did his best, always gave all he had and never was it enough for Thorin.

Fili was too good for them...for ALL of them.

He shook the thoughts away. Of course the prince was far too good for the battle hardened old dwarf but there was no point in dwelling on that. At least he had him as a friend and that was better than nothing.

Dwalin had a good idea where he'd find Fili so he made his way there. Several dwarves stopped to chat with him, he did his best to be polite but Dwalin never was a man of many words.

When he finally got away from the conversations he found Fili instantly. It wasn't hard of course. Fili has always stood out in a crowd. His posture, his smile, his warm voice, and of course that golden mane atop his head.

Fili was a rare one with that hair, it shone brightly in the midst of the usual black and brown hair around him. But it wasn't just that, Fili radiated a golden light from within. It was like a flame that beckoned Dwalin in, tempted him in a way the warrior had never experienced.

Dwalin had his share of bedmates to be sure, lads and lasses, it had been fun, something to pass the time but there was just something...something so unique and intoxicating about Thorin's heir.

He adjusted his belt as he moved toward Fili, suddenly feeling unsure.

Fili glanced up when he felt the presence of someone near him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth when he saw that it was Dwalin.

"Hello Mr Dwalin."

"Morning Prince Fili, I'm glad I caught you. Thorin asked me to escort you to the bridge when Dain arrives."

"He did?"

Dwalin shrugged. "Yes, Dain can be a handful."

"Oh, I thought I was to go alone." He cast his blue eyes down quickly before covering it with a smile. "I'll be glad to have your company."

Dwalin shoved down the butterflies that stirred in his belly. Fili was just being friendly as always, he meant nothing by his words and Dwalin knew he'd do well to remember that.

"Well I'll be glad to escort you." He smiled and shook his head slightly, feeling foolish with his actions.

He couldn't help but notice the blush that rose to Fili's handsome face. His heart jumped, was it possible that the young prince felt something for him?

He sighed, no, there was no hope for such things.

"When were you thinking of going?"

"Thorin said they should be here by noon, and that I was to be there at least twenty minutes early. I honestly don't even know what time it is now."

"Just after ten."

He nodded, his braids swaying. "Maybe in an hour. You can join whenever you are ready. I need to grab a thicker coat." He lied but Dwalin didn't seem to catch it.

"I'll be there." He spoke like it was a promise for something more, as if being there meant more than just waiting at the bridge for their kin.

Dwalin watched as Fili excused himself and walked quickly out toward his chambers.

Something was wrong, deeply wrong with the young Dwarf, Dwalin could feel it. He put up a good front, but it wasn't good enough to hide from the warrior. He'd seen it all before. He wanted to know, wanted desperately to ask if there was anything he could do to make it easier but he feared he'd scare Fili away.

He was glad that his company was welcome and that he'd get one on one time with the prince. He really did just enjoy being around him, his easy conversation, his kindness, he just drew everyone in.

Dwalin decided to grab his axes from his chambers. Generally when he was just wandering the halls of Erebor, he kept a sword attached to his belt. It was easier, lighter and just around the everyday people, he had no need for his heavy axes.

They were his favourite weapons of course, but Dwalin could wield a sword as if it were an extension of himself. Not to mention Fili was a great swordsman, it gave the warrior an opening for conversation.

He quickly laid his sword in its proper place and put his harness on, the handle of his axes sliding in easily. It felt odd to be wearing them again, especially when he looked down at his hands. He didn't wear his knuckle dusters and it seemed almost wrong.

He shrugged his shoulders, adjusting the weight on his back, and left his room again.

He was nearly to the bridge when he spotted Kili and his elf. Dwalin swallowed back his annoyance.

"Mr Dwalin!" Kili smiled and waved. "Where are you off to?"

"I'm meeting with Fili at the bridge."

"Oh, I thought uncle said he was doing it alone."

Dwalin grit his teeth. "He asked me to escort him."

Kili shrugged and took the redheads hand. "Well better you than me! It's all much too dull, besides, Tauriel needs me to show her around."

Dwalin bit his tongue and simply nodded. Kili had been "showing her around" for months now, if she still didn't know her way she wasn't a very good elf!

"Well excuse me, I told Fili I'd be there, I don't want to keep him waiting."

"Sure, enjoy your boring afternoon!" He laughed as he tugged his elf down the hall.

Dwalin marched off, keeping himself from turning around and yelling at the younger dwarf. It wasn't his place but Mahal did he want to grab the boy by the collar and shake some sense into him!

He walked faster than necessary the rest of the way. Something in him telling him that he needed to be with Fili, that the young prince truly needed someone with him right now.

When he first got outside, he didn't see Fili and he started to worry. But when he glanced over his shoulder he spotted him curled on the ground in his coat, head resting against the wall looking as if he were sleeping.

Dwalin cleared his throat and fili jumped, his pupils so wide it seemed to hide most of the blue in his eyes.

"Sorry! I'm sorry Fili, I wasn't sure if you were actually asleep or not."

His cheeks coloured. "It's alright, I didn't mean to drift off. It was an accident."

He sounded so small, like a child ready to be yelled at. Dwalin smiled, trying to set his mind at ease.

"Lad you're hardly the first to fall asleep while trying to do something else! You've got plenty of time before they arrive, you can rest if you'd like, I'll keep my eye out for them."

"Oh, no that's alright. I should be aware."

He didn't sound very convincing but Dwalin wasn't going to push it. He sat beside the prince, mindful to keep a good distance between them.

There was a thick silence for a while. They weren't close enough friends for it to be comfortable, it was awkward and it bothered him to his core.

Eventually Fili spoke. "Have you started training the new recruits yet?"

"Not so much just yet. A lot of them have just arrived. I wanted to give them time to adjust."

"That was nice of you." He smiled. "I'd like to train again. I miss it."

Dwalin understood that. "Well finish healing and we can see what we can do."

Fili glanced down and shook his head. "I may never heal past this point, Dwalin. I can't just sit around wasting away hoping that I will magically be in pristine condition again. That's never going to happen."

"Aye, I know that lad, I just...I would never want to cause further damage."

"I'm not weak!" It came out harsher than he had intended and he wasn't really sure if it was aimed more at Dwalin or himself.

"Never said you were. But you were hurt, badly." Dwalin cracked his knuckles. "I have nothing against training with you, I just ask that you be sure you're healed enough. Couldn't live with myself if I hurt you worse."

Fili steadied his breathing. "I'm sorry for my outburst. I shouldn't have raised my voice like that. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

"Not intentionally."

Fili smiled slightly. "I will let you know when I am ready."

"You know where to find me."

They slipped into easier conversation after that, though it was Dwalin doing most of the talking. Fili seemed content to just ask questions and listen to the Warrior speak.

Dwalin watched the tension slowly leave Fili's shoulders and each time he blinked his eyes they seemed to grow heavier. Dwalin was pleased to know he was able to give Fili some peace, even if he wasn't sure how he was doing it.

It was sometime later when a horn blew announcing the arrival of Dain and his family. Fili jumped but quickly composed himself as he pulled himself up of the ground and smoothed out his clothing.

Dwalin stood behind him, out of the way but his presence would not go unnoticed . Yes Dain was family, but Dwalin would protect Fili from anyone no matter the cost.

Fili bowed slightly in greeting. "Welcome, Dain Ironfoot."

"Ah Prince Fili! It's good to see you up and moving again! Thought you dead for a while there!" He slapped him on the shoulder and Dwalin wanted to break his fingers. "Oh, hello Dwalin."

Dwalin nodded his head. "Lord Dain."

"If you'll follow me, Thorin is waiting in the throne room."

Fili spun to lead the way and swayed, nearly tripping over his own boots. Dwalin was quick to steady him.

"Are you alright, laddie?" Dain asked as he took a cautious step forward.

Fili nodded. "Yes, yes I'm fine just-"

His legs gave out and he collapsed against Dwalin's chest. The warrior quickly scooped him up into his arms, noting how light he felt despite all the layers he wore.

Dain sighed. "Should have been Thorin down here. Poor lad had quite the trauma, he shouldn't be moving around so much! Dwalin, take him to your healers, I can find Thorin myself."

He didn't want to let Dain just wander but he wasn't left with a lot of choice while he had an unconscious prince dangling in his arms.

As fate would have it, kili was pacing by the main entrance.

"Prince Kili! Please escort Dain to your uncle, Fili is sick."

He didn't even spare his brother a second glance. He simply rolled his eyes and beckoned the other dwarves to follow him to the throne room.

Kili's elf stood awkwardly by the stairs, hands twisting in front of herself.

"I could help."

"Don't need your help." Dwalin muttered as he stomped passed her, carrying Fili to his chambers. He'd send for Oin once he got him settled comfortably in his own bed.

He stripped Fili's coat off and laid him down carefully before tugging off his boots. He placed the back of his hand on the blonds forehead, wondering if maybe he had a fever.

Fili stirred under his touch and Dwalin stood quickly, not wanting his prince to feel as if Dwalin were being inappropriate with him.

"What happened?"

"You fainted. Are you feeling ill?"

He blushed and shook his head. "No I'm alright."

"Forgive me but, you're obviously not alright if you fainted..." Dwalin met his eyes. "If you are sick I can get Oin."

"I'm not sick I...I haven't been sleeping and I think I forgot to have breakfast this morning. That's all."

Dwalin could see through the lie so easily it was almost painful.

"You forgot to eat?"

"Well I was just worried about them coming early, I didnt want to make uncle Thorin look bad by being late."

Dwalin sighed heavily. "Let me get Oin to check you over."

"No! Please Dwalin, that's not necessary. I'm fine, I really am." He threw his feet over the bed and stood, his knees immediately buckling under him.

Dwalin gently pushed him back against his pillows. "You're not fine."

He looked ready to cry or start throwing punches. Dwalin wasn't sure what to expect but he knew the look of panic.

"Fili, hey lad stay with me. If you won't let me get Oin, at least let me get you something to eat. I know Bombur made some soup, I'm sure he'd be happy to prepare some for you."

"I'm not-" he stopped. He couldn't tell Dwalin he wasn't hungry, he was fainting for Mahal's sake! "Soup would be fine, thank you."

"Alright, I'll be quick." He paused a moment. "Unless you'd rather I sent someone else up with it..."

"No...if you're not busy I'd...I think I'd like if you could stay a while..."

Dwalin was sure his heart would burst through his chest. "I'll be right back."

He all but ran down the stairs to the kitchens, skidding to a stop before he slammed into Bombur full force.

"Where is the fire?" He joked.

"I need soup for Fili." He blurted out before he could really think it through.

Bombur blinked a few times as Dwalins words registered with him.

"Alright, I'll get it ready right away!" For a man his size, Bombur certainly could move quickly.

He spun around,grabbing things with ease as he prepared the soup for their prince.

Dwalin had to admit it was quite impressive. Bombur knew his kitchens like the back of his hand, much like Dwalin and his axes...just less violent.

He carefully handed a bowl on top of a plate to Dwalin.

"Added a slice of fresh bread, that particular one is prince Fili's favourite. If he needs anything else you let me know."

"Thank you Bombur." He left quickly and moved back the Fili's room as fast as he could without spilling anything.

He balanced the plate in one hand and knocked on the door.

"Prince Fili, it's Dwalin."

He heard the faint 'come in' and he gently opened the door. Fili was still in the same spot dwalin had left him in, blankets pulled all the way up to his neck.

"Bombur got your soup ready and sent some bread he said you like."

Fili shook his head and smiled, playfully rolling his eyes. "He spoils me."

Fili adjusted to be sitting up more but nearly dropped the plate when it was handed to him. Dwalin caught it before it could spill everywhere.

"Sorry, I'm sorry Mr Dwalin..." He sank back, something that seemed an awful lot like fear clouding his face.

Dwalin wanted to ask what had spooked him so bad but didn't dare.

"No apologies needed lad." He sat gently on the edge of the bed, holding the plate steady. He handed the spoon to Fili.

"I'm not going to have you sitting there just so you can hold that for me, I'm not useless."

Dwalin smirked. "I know that, but I'd rather you didn't burn yourself. Keeping the heir safe is one of my duties after all."

Fili shook his head but chuckled. "Very brave of you, holding this plate."

"I take my job very seriously." He winked and his heart jumped when Fili blushed.

He glanced down at the spoon in the soup, noting that he was only going for the broth, avoiding the vegetables, not eating anything with actual substance.

"That liquid alone isn't going to fill you enough..."

Fili didn't meet his eyes. "It's plenty."

"How are you supposed to heal if you don't take proper care of your body?"

"What does it matter?" Fili finally lifted his eyes to Dwalin, pure stubbornness radiating off of him.

"It matters because-"

The knock on the door cut him off. He stood, placing the plate of the table beside Fili's bed.

"Who is it?" Fili called out.

"Thorin." He opened the door without waiting for Filis permission. "Dain told me you fainted."

Dwalin wondered what had taken his king so long to get to his nephew.

"Y-yes I did. I'm sorry uncle, I didn't mean to."

Thorin's cold blue eyes flicked to Dwalin who was standing rather awkwardly by Fili's bed.

"Dwalin, please excuse us. I need to speak to my nephew alone."

Dwalin didn't miss the panic that flashed through Fili's eyes or the near silent whimper that escaped him.

He nodded and bowed as he left. He didn't want to leave the prince but he couldn't disobey his king either.

"I'll just be outside." He told them both, one a threat, one a promise.

Dwalin paced the hallway outside of Fili's chambers for what felt like forever. He cursed the thick walls and door because he couldn't hear what was happening inside the room.

He knew thorin had a mean streak, knew that sometimes he let his anger get the best of him and Dwalin worried that a sudden outburst would send Fili spiralling.

Thorin had never been the most compassionate dwarf. He wasn't soft in any area of his life that Dwalin had seen. But he was at least gentle with Kili, he was understanding, gave him praise freely. He had never been that way with Fili.

Dwalin didn't know why, but there was something about the golden prince that had always set Thorin off.

He remembered a time when the prince's were just boys and a group of men had cornered them. Fili sent Kili running home while he tried to stand his ground. He had come home a few hours later, bloody and bruised. Thorin screamed at him, told him what a fool he was and that he was lucky Kili wasn't hurt. He spanked the blond and sent him straight to bed without even sparing a glance at the wounds on Fili's little body.

Dwalin recalled going to Fili without asking permission from thorin so he could tend to the boys wounds. He cried quietly as dwalin cleaned him up, sniffling and trying to push his tears away as they fell. The warrior praised him, assured him that what he had done was brave and honorable.

He remembered his heart splintering when those sad blue eyes looked up at him and Fili telling him it would have been better if the men had killed him, then he wouldn't have to face Thorin's hate, that his uncles words hurt worse than anything those men could have done.

He had wanted to strangle Thorin that night but he knew there was really nothing he could do. It ate at him everyday that he couldn't keep Fili from that pain. But after that, Dwalin made it a point to praise Fili openly, to let him know at least someone was proud of him.

He shook the memory from his head and leaned against the wall.

When Thorin finally left the room he didn't even look at Dwalin. He turned and went back the way he had come from.

Dwalin watched after him for a moment before gently knocking and entering the room again.

Fili's hair was disheveled and his eyes were glassy. Dwalin spotted the red mark on his cheek and his blood boiled.

"Fili..." he struggled to keep his voice level.

"It's...nothing. It's fine." His voice cracked under the weight of his lie.

"Oh lad." Dwalin brushed the blond hair away from Fili's face. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "It's my own fault. I should have done better."

"Now that's not true! Wasn't you're fault that you fainted, it happens. Thorin had no right to be angry about that." He picked up the plate and once again sat on the edge of Fili's bed.

"I don't want anymore."

Dwalin sighed. "You need to eat, just a little more? For me?"

Fili considered it for a moment before rolling his eyes and picking up the spoon. He ate more than dwalin expected him to but he didn't comment, he was just happy to witness it.

"Would you like the bread?"

"No thank you, I c-can't eat anymore right now."

"Alright." He moved the plate away. "You should rest now."

He could tell Fili wanted to argue but he didn't. He scooted down in the bed, turning to his side and drawing his knees up to his chest.

"Thank you for helping me, Dwalin."

He smiled. "Always Fili, you know where to find me should you need anything else."

Dwalin wanted nothing more than to stay in that room and offer comfort to his prince, but he was pissed and he needed to get that anger out far away from Fili.


	3. Chapter 3

Dwalin had always been a light sleeper. Balin used to tell him that no one could move when their mother finally got him to sleep because even the slightest creak of the floor would wake him.

It only got worse after the battles he'd been through. Sleep was seldom peaceful for him if it came at all.

He had just started to drift off when he heard a light tapping on his door.

He grumbled under his breath the whole way over. He was surprised to find a young soldier standing there.

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but there...something is happening and we aren't sure what to do."

"What's happening?" He grabbed an ax and prepared to leave.

"It's prince Fili, sir."

His blood turned to ice in his veins. "Has something happened to him?"

He didn't mean to yell but his thunderous voice echoed off the walls around them.

"I'm not really sure, sir. We are on guard duty and we happened to look up and the prince was sitting on the edge of his balcony. We tried calling to him but he said nothing!" He shifted in place. "I wasn't sure who to inform..."

"Thank you, I'll see to him, go back to your post." His heart couldn't beat faster even if it wanted to. He put his axe back in its place and ran from his room all the way to Fili's, not even bothering to grab a shirt or shoes.

He didn't knock, just charged into the princes room and to the balcony. He was still sitting there, dangerously close to the edge, his hair glowing under the light of the moon.

He also had no shirt on and Dwalin noticed in that moment just how thin he'd become. He was hunched slightly forward and Dwalin could see his spine and most of his ribs. The thick scar where the blade had pierced through him still looked so fresh, so angry.

"Fili..." he whispered, trying desperately to not scare him while he sat so close to the edge. "Lad, what are you doing?"

It took a while for Fili to look over his shoulder. He didn't seem to register that Dwalin was actually standing there.

"Dwalin?"

"Yeah, it's me Fili. What are you doing out here? It's cold." He was slowly inching closer, ready to grab the prince.

He looked around seeming confused. "Oh...I'm not sure."

"Well why don't we get you back inside and in bed, hm?"

He nodded wordlessly and Dwalin gently took hold of his arm, not quite trusting Fili's footing so close to the edge. He pulled his chilled body close to his, hyperaware of exactly how much skin was touching.

He led Fili back inside and pushed him to the bed. When he was carefully seated, Dwalin stoked the fire to warm the room more.

He found fili trying to cover his chest when he went back over to the bed. His eyes were frantic and dwalin swore he could hear the pounding of Fili's heart.

His eyes roamed over Fili's shaking body. He'd already noted just how thin he was, clocked the scars he'd learned from years with the boy and the time he spent while he was being healed. But something was different.

"What happened there?" He pointed to a long, thin cut that ran across the pronounced hip bone on his right side.

As he studied him, more little cuts came to light. They were random, purposeful while trying to seem like an accident.

Dwalin struggled to breathe.

"Fili...tell me." He hung his head. "Have you been doing this to yourself the whole time?"

Fili let his arms fall, his secret exposed already. "Since I woke up, since after...I couldn't take it. I should have been better, I made a bad call and got caught, got Kili caught. Azog should have killed me. Thorin hates me, Kili doesn't care at all. I'm just...in the way. I serve no purpose."

"We all make mistakes! You cannot hold onto that, Fili. If you blame anyone let it be your uncle for sending you and Kili inside, let it be me for being unable to see that it was a trap sooner. My job is to keep you safe and I failed you." He glanced down at the cuts. "And I'm still failing you.

"You couldn't have known-"

"I should have! It's my job to know these things Fili! I cannot make those mistakes, if I do, I lose you." He caught himself. "All of you, the line of Durin."

Fili deflated when he added the last words. "The line of Durin is better off without me. Just ask Thorin."

Filis hand moved up to cup his cheek, the side that had been red earlier.

Dwalin took his hand away and replaced it with his own. He never dreamed of seeing such a sight in all his days, Fili's beautiful face cradled in his scarred hands, those big blue eyes cautiously meeting Dwalin's darker ones.

"Did he strike you?"

Tears threatened to fall as fili nodded. "You know he did, he has done it since I can remember. Kili may get a stern warning, I get a slap, thrown over his knee...on his worst days a fist."

"Fili I...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry for. There is nothing you can do, he is the king. Maybe I deserve it, maybe it helps him in some way."

Dwalin dropped to his knees before the prince, his hand still holding Fili's cheek.

"You do not deserve it, you never have."

"Why does he do it then? Why does he hate me, Dwalin?"

He brushed a tear from Fili's eyes with his thumb. "I don't have an answer for that."

"You don't hate me do you?"

Dwalin smiled. "Could never hate you. You're too good."

Fili nuzzled further into Dwalin's hand, shutting his eyes to relax into it. He felt the damp eyelashes brush against his skin and his breath caught in his chest.

"What were you doing on the edge of the balcony?"

"I don't remember. I woke up from a nightmare and then you were there. I don't remember even going out there."

"Dreams of the battle?"

"Yes, I've had them every night since I woke up."

"I understand, I used to get them constantly." He confessed. "There is no shame in that, war changes you."

"What gives you the strength to keep doing it?" He held Dwalin's gaze, something so innocent in his eyes that lit a fire in Dwalin's veins.

"Knowing what I have to protect."

Fili blushed but didn't look away.

Dwalin felt it, something had changed, the air around them felt alive.

The moment broke when Fili yawned. Dwalin dropped his hand, missing the warmth beneath it immediately.

"Try to sleep now. We can talk more in the morning if you'd like."

"What if..." Fili looked over at the door leading to the balcony. "It's too much to ask but, would you mind staying?"

He watched as Fili braced himself for shouting or a smack. It chipped away at Dwalin's heart.

"If you want me here, I'll be here." He plopped down dramatically in the chair beside the fire, revelling in the smile it brought out of his prince.

He felt Fili's eyes on him for a while before he finally gave into sleep. Dwalin stood and walked silently over, glancing down at the sleeping dwarf. He pushed back a strand of his hair and smiled at the face he made.

"Sleep now, mim razdith (little sun) ati yadi (I am here)."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Dwalin only saw Fili when they woke, the air thick and awkward. Dwalin excused himself to change for the day, leaving Fili on his own.

He didn't want to go, his legs seemed heavy as he left to his own room, fighting to not turn and run back to his prince.

Balin was just passing the door when Dwalin finally made it to his room.

"Morning brother, where are you coming from?" He smiled but his eyes were mischievous.

"Just stayed with a friend."

"A special friend?"

"Oh piss off!" He grumbled. "I need to change."

The sound of Balin's laughter followed him into his room.

Balin knew, of course he did. Dwalin was never able to hide anything from his older brother. The white haired dwarf just smiled when Dwalin told him of his feelings for Fili, never once implied it wouldn't work, just quietly supported his brother.

He changed quickly, not letting his mind wander back to the golden prince. He strapped his weapons on and made his way down to the training area.

He didn't see Fili on his way down and hoped that he was doing better today, he hoped their conversation at least let Fili know he didn't have to go through it alone.

The recruits were starting to file in as he prepared for the day. He smiled to himself, sure he'd rather be with Fili, but he loved this.

He lost himself in it, his mind focused on the task at hand. But as soon as he dismissed them for lunch, his mind was right back on the prince.

He made his way inside, eyes scanning the faces that walked by him, hoping for a flash of gold hair and blue eyes.

He saw Kili with his elf, laughing obnoxiously loud in the halls. It was still odd to Dwalin to see the princes without the other one. It saddened him to know that to his own flesh and blood, Fili was replaceable.

He shook his head and turned his attention away from Kili before he ended up doing something he'd regret.

When he entered the eating hall, his eyes drifted to the kings table, spotting Fili instantly. He was between Thorin and Dain, Dain's son was beside his father stealing glances at the prince.

Thorin spotted him and waved him over. Dwalin adjusted his belt and slowly moved toward his king.

He bowed respectfully and greeted thorin and lord Dain.

"Blaine has requested Fili show him around the training area, I'd like you to escort them, that way he won't miss anything." He glared daggers at his nephew.

Dwalin held filis eyes as he spoke. "Of course, when would you like us to go?"

"This evening, after dinner I think."

He nodded. "Alright. Prince Fili, would you like for me to meet you here or down in the training area?"

Fili's eyes flickered nervously to Blaine. "Here if you don't mind."

Thorin and Dain had returned to their own conversation, paying no mind to the interaction between Fili and Dwalin, but Blaine's eyes hadn't left them.

Dwalin cleared his throat. "I will meet you here after supper." He bowed slightly before walking away, wanting nothing more than to grab Fili's hand and pull him along behind him, take him away from the people who didn't appreciate him.

He let his mind fill with the fact that at least he could be with him later, sure Dain's son would be there, but Dwalin was pretty good at ignoring most people.

He worked the recruits hard for the rest of the day, using his frustration to push them more than he had before. They were worn out and he couldn't help but chuckle when they all limped away at the end of the day.

Dwalin headed home and bathed quickly, changing into something more suitable for the company of his prince.

He knew it was silly, knew out of everyone in Erebor, he most certainly wasn't good enough for Fili. Wouldn't stop him trying though.

He shook his head and went back down, hoping to be there before Fili and Blaine arrived, not wanting to leave the golden prince alone with that particular dwarf.

He knew Dain and if he son was anything like him, Dwalin would rather be there with Fili. It wasn't really that he didn't trust Dain, he just knew his temper and the way he spoke to others.

He was glad to see that they had yet to arrive, it gave him time to take in the surroundings and would allow him to see how they interacted with one another as they approached.

He didn't have to wait long. Fili and Blaine came to find him only fifteen minutes after Dwalin had gotten down there.

Fili was poised as ever, a kind smile on his face but it didn't touch his eyes. His shoulders were tense and he kept trying to inch away from Blaine.

The other dwarf didn't seem to notice, kept running his mouth and using his hands to make his point. Fili nodded along with the conversation but anyone who actually knew him could tell he wasn't interested in the slightest.

Dwalin hid his chuckle behind a cough as the two drew nearer to him.

"Good evening Mister Dwalin." Fili's smile brightened.

His heart raced as he bowed. "Prince Fili. Hello Blain." He straightened up. "Are you ready?"

Fili gave a nod and Dwalin led the way, occasionally glancing back at the two behind him. A few times he met Fili's eyes and he had to force himself to look away.

He stood back a bit as Blain looked around the training area, eyes hard. Fili walked beside him, hands neatly folded behind his back as he explained the training that Dwalin did so well.

"It's much smaller than I pictured." He said it like an accusation.

Fili shrugged. "I've never heard anyone have any issues in here."

Blain eyed him. "What do you mean? Have you never trained here yourself?"

"Unfortunately no, I sustained an injury in the battle and haven't been able to yet." He looked down at his feet. "I hope to soon though."

"Your uncle is ok with you slacking? You'll grow weak and unable to fight properly! Should you not lead by example? You're the prince after all."

Dwalin watched the panic fill those beautiful blue eyes and struggled to keep himself calm. Who gave this prick the right to speak to Fili like that?

"Fili is an excellent fighter, he's one of the best swordsmen we have. He needs time to fully heal and then I will see to his training personally." Dwalin's voice was cold even to his own ears.

Oh how he hoped that little asshole had more to say, Dwalin would be happy to rearrange his teeth.

Blaine smirked. "So prince, are you spoken for?"

Fili flinched. "Excuse me?"

"You're just about the right age to start thinking about a courtship. Has anyone claimed you yet?"

"I have not given it much thought."

Dwalin hated how small Fili's voice was, how it shook and cracked. He doubted Blaine noticed but the warrior sure did.

"Perhaps you should." Blaine spoke slow, suggestively.

"I-I will."

Dwalin was done, he'd had enough of this prick harassing Fili.

"That's about all there is to see. Prince Fili, Balin wanted to speak to you after we finished here, would you like me to walk you?"

Fili just nodded before turning back to Blaine. "Would you like an escort back?"

"Unlike you, little prince, I can handle myself."

Dwalin nearly charged at him but Fili gently touched his wrist and shook his head.

They walked in tense silence up to filis room, Dwalin not trusting what he'd say in that moment.

"Where did Balin want to meet?"

Dwalin smiled slightly. "I may have lied about that. You seemed uncomfortable and I had to come up with something believable to get you to agree to leave."

Fili laughed and touched Dwalin's arm again, his fingers lingering on the warriors scarred skin.

"Thank you. Hes..."

"A prick."

Fili tried not to laugh but he did in the end, nodding his head.

"Yes, he really really is a prick."

They stopped outside of Fili's room, he seemed hesitant to go in.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled. "Goodnight Dwalin."

Dwalin sighed. "Goodnight Fili. You know where to find me should you need anything."

He waited until he heard the lock latch before going to his own room. The anger from Blaine's words was still pulsing through his veins. The way he spoke of Fili being claimed as if he were property!

He slammed his door and kicked his boots off. Did Blaine plan on asking to court Fili? Mahal he fucking hoped not!

He had no right to be upset, he still didn't seem to have the balls to actually tell Fili how he felt so he couldn't exactly get mad if someone else actually made a move.

Dwalin sank into his bed and desperately tried to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a soft knocking on his door that woke him this time, so light that he almost missed it.

He rubbed his eyes and groaned, wondering if a full nights sleep was something he'd ever get to experience again.

Fili was standing there when Dwalin pulled his door open. His braids were still in, letting Dwalin know he hadn't actually gone to sleep, but his hair was a mess. He kept his head down.

"Fili? What's wrong?"

He sniffled. "May I come in?"

Dwalin felt like an ass for not already inviting him in. "Of course!"

He locked the door and turned to Fili just as the prince was finally looking up.

The warrior gasped and saw red when he saw the state of Fili's beautiful face. His nose had been bleeding, the blood had crusted there, his lip was swollen and still bleeding slowly, and his eyes were red and glassy, a bruise forming under his left one.

"Who did this to you?" He demanded while he gently grabbed Fili's shoulders.

Fili glanced at the floor, scared to hold Dwalin's eyes. "I-I'm sorry!"

Dwalin couldn't take it, couldn't bear knowing that in that moment, in his pain, Fili was afraid of him.

Without thinking it through he wrapped his arms around Fili and pulled him tight to his chest.

"You're safe here Fili. You'll always be safe with me."

He stayed tense for a long moment but eventually Fili relaxed against Dwalin's warm, strong chest, tears spilling freely against his skin.

Dwalin didn't say anything, just held Fili while he tried to regain his composure enough to speak.

When Fili swayed Dwalin gently guided him to the sofa in front of the fire. He sat close beside him but didn't touch him until Fili leaned in and rested his head on Dwalin's shoulder. He wrapped his arm back around the prince after pulling the fur blanket off the back of the sofa.

Fili whimpered quietly and shifted his weight.

"What happened Fili?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it right now. Hurts too much."

Dwalin dug his nails into the side of his thigh and bit his tongue.

"Alright." He finally managed.

Fili trembled against Dwalin's side. "I can go, I woke you, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Fili, mim razdith, you are welcome here at any time. Even if I'm not here, you are welcome to make yourself at home."

The prince pushed slightly closer. "You used to call me that when I was a child."

"Aye." He smiled. "Still true."

Dwalin mindlessly ran his fingers over Fili's shoulder and down his arm, smiling to himself at the little shivers and the chill bumps he felt under his fingertips.

"That feels nice." Fili admitted quietly.

"I'm glad." He glanced down at Fili lying against him with his eyes closed. "Let me clean you up before you fall asleep. It'll be more uncomfortable in the morning."

"Don't wanna move."

He smirked at the pout he could hear in th young prince's voice.

"I could always carry you. You don't even have to move honestly, I'll bring the cloth over."

"Don't want you to move either."

"Well that may be an issue, at least one of us has to move."

Fili sighed but sat up so that Dwalin could stand. He moved quickly, heating up the water in a pot and grabbing a clean cloth to use.

He jumped when Fili sat beside him on the floor. His eyes were so sad and Dwalin felt himself breaking apart inside.

"It's much more comfortable up on the sofa."

Fili shrugged and winced. "Didn't want to be alone I suppose."

He turned to stand but Dwalin grabbed his hand to keep him there.

"I didn't mean that like I want you to leave, I just want you to be comfortable."

He dipped the end on the cloth into the hot water before gently wiping away the dried blood that stained Fili's face. Fili flinched slightly at the pressure against the sore spots but he didn't pull away. He watched Dwalin's face the entire time.

"Ok?"

Fili gave a small nod. "Yes, thank you."

"I'm not hurting you am I?"

He shook his head, letting his eyes drift to Dwalin's. "No."

Dwalin swallowed against the lump in his throat and went back to cleaning Fili's skin.

He pressed lightly against the boys lips, not wanting to open the wound again. Fili's tongue slipped out between his lips subconsciously and Dwalin watched the motion with a heated gaze.

He chastised himself silently. Fili had come for help and comfort, not for Dwalin to lust after him!

He cleared his throat. "Think that'll be as good as we can get it tonight. You're welcome to sleep here if you want."

"Please, I don't think I can handle being alone right now...my mind is full of-" He stopped himself but Dwalin knew. He'd seen the evidence of the way Fili dealt with pain.

"Take the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa." He smiled and grabbed up the cloth so he could put it away to be washed.

Fili stood and fidgeted with his hands, looking like he had as a dwarfling when Balin would have to scold him.

"What's the matter, lad?"

"I...I do not wish to overstep here...or to make you uncomfortable in any way but I-Well I was wondering..." he shook his head. "Never mind, it's foolish. I'm sorry. Goodnight Mister Dwalin."

Dwalin grabbed his shoulder before he could walk off completely.

"Come on, out with it laddie."

Fili blushed and looked at the floor. "I was wondering if you'd be willing to stay with me...in the bed I mean." He sighed. "I know how it sounds but I...I really need to feel something from someone right now. Something that isn't pain."

"If you're sure that's what you want."

"I trust you." Fili spoke without the slightest hesitance.

"Alright, go ahead and get comfortable, the fire is already going. I'll be there in a minute."

He left without another word but his eyes seemed brighter.

Dwalin took care of putting everything away and took that time to compose himself. He needed to have his head on straight, keep his thoughts in order so that his body stayed in check.

Fili was perched on the edge of the bed facing the door. He gave Dwalin a shy smile when he got into the room.

"I wasn't sure where you prefer to sleep."

Dwalin shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. Pick whichever side is most comfortable for you."

Fili picked the spot beside the wall. He crawled across the bed slowly and dwalin has to tear his eyes away. Once Fili is settled he starts to take his braids down, Dwalin watches the way his fingers move skillfully down each plait, how they unhook each bead with practiced ease.

It's longer when it's free from the braids, looks like silk and Dwalin's fingers ache to touch it.

"Can you help me with the big clasp? It sticks and my hair got knotted around it."

His mouth goes dry and he's not sure what he has done for Mahal to reward him with such a gift.

"Of course..."

Fili knows the importance of this, all dwarves do. Dwalin doubts the boy let's just anyone touch his hair.

His hands shake and he growls to himself. Dwalin is far from a blushing virgin! But this is Fili, this is everything he's ever wanted wrapped up in a blond package.

His heart pounds when his hands finally touch Fili's hair. It's even softer than it looks and the fire burning behind them makes it even more golden. For a moment, Dwalin forgetds how to breathe.

He loosens the strands that have wrapped around the silver clasp and he gently unhooks it, running his fingers over the spot it had been sitting.

Fili sighed and leaned into the touch. "No one has touched my hair in so long, I actually forgot how nice it feels."

Dwalin's heart hurts again and he decides he'd sit there all night with his fingers tangled in Fili's hair if his prince wanted him to.

Eventually Fili pulls away and lays back against the pillows. His eyes were heavy and Dwalin followed his lead, lying close beside him.

He wasn't expecting Fili to roll into his side and lay his head on his chest, not that he minded.

He decided to take a chance and rolled on his side to face Fili, wrapping his arms around his body and pulled him up under his chin. He let his fingers stroke down his hair and spine, smiling each time Fili shivered against him.

"Thank you for this, Dwalin. I know it's a lot to ask."

"Hush with that, this..." He weighed his words. "I don't mind at all, I'm happy to do it."

"You are?"

"Of course I am. You-"

Dwalins words were cut off by Fili leaning up and pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of Dwalin's mouth.

He blushed brightly and pulled away quickly, worry clouding his face.

"I shouldn't have done that! I'm a fool! I'm sorry I wasn't thinking!"

Dwalin gripped Fili's chin and angled his face up so that he could properly seal his mouth over Fili's.

The prince was tense at first but as Dwalin slowly moved his lips, Fili relaxed, all but melting against the warrior.

Fili tasted sweet, like innocence and Dwalin got drunk on it, wanted to devour the boy against him, but he kept himself in check.

Fili pushed closer, needing every inch of himself pressed against the dwarf who always kept him safe.

Dwalin growled in his throat, the boy didn't seem to understand that he was playing with fire.

He broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Fili's.

"Are you sure you want to be doing this? You've gone through a lot here lad, I don't want you thinking you have to do something."

Fili cocked his head. "Of course I'm sure, I have wanted you since before I even understood what that meant."

It shouldn't have turned his blood to fire in his veins but it did. He struggled with his control, those sweet blue eyes and those sweeter words made him want to claim Fili, pull him in and never let him go.

Fili misread Dwalin's silence and pulled away.

"I-if I'm not...who you want to be here with, I understand. I'm not as good as others might be..."

Dwalin wasted no time and pulled the prince back against him and stole a kiss, much deeper than the first had been.

"Don't you ever think you are less than anyone. You're perfect in every possible way. I have dreamed of this for longer than I care to admit. It's me that isn't good enough for you, mim razdith."

"You really think I'm enough for you?"

"More than enough. I'm still wondering if I fell asleep and this is a dream." He laughed quietly.

Fili pinched his side, grinning when Dwalin jumped.

"You're not dreaming."

"Don't go starting things like that lad, I can promise you I will win."

Fili smirked but withdrew his hand and nuzzled back up under Dwalin's chin.

He pressed a kiss to the mess of golden hair and closed his eyes, losing himself in the warmth and Fili's steady breathing.

"Get some sleep."

"I'm sorry if I wake you with my nightmares."

"It's alright. I'll be there to keep them away."

He felt Fili smile against his chest and soon after the prince was sound asleep.

He didn't wake once that night.


	6. Chapter 6

Dwalin wanted nothing more than to let Fili stay in bed, recover from his injuries in peace, hold him until he felt whole again.

But he knew sooner or later someone would need Fili and they'd go to find him. Dwalin didn't want it being worse for the prince.

He gently shook his shoulder. "Fili, you've gotta wake up."

He grumbled something into the pillow and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders. Dwalin smiled at the sight.

"If we could get away with it, I'd keep us right here all day."

Fili pressed his sleep warm body back against Dwalin. "You would?"

"Yes." He kissed the back of Fili's scarred shoulder. "Holding you like that all night was something I thought I'd only have in my dreams, to have to leave you hurts more than I want to admit."

Fili closed his eyes. "Say those words often?"

He knew Fili was hurt and scared that he wasn't good enough, but the words still stung.

"Look at me." He waited until he did. "I have never, and will never say anything like that to anyone but you."

"I don't want to leave. If I leave here, this space, everything is dark and painful again. Here it's warm and safe."

Dwalin kissed his forehead. "I'll stay with you as long as I can."

"I'm scared Dwalin." The tears burned his eyes. "Thorin is getting worse with me, what if he goes too hard or hits me in the wrong place. The worst part is, I really don't think he'd care if he did kill me."

"Was it him last night?"

Fili nodded wordlessly and hid his face against Dwalin's neck.

Dwalin felt lost. There really wasn't anything he could do to protect his prince from the king.

He felt wrong and empty when Fili pulled away and sat up to do his braids. He watched as Fili's hands shook, the fear making itself obvious.

He held Fili's hand all the way to the door, sighing as he went to open it.

"Wait! Just...just give me one more minute." Fili pressed up against Dwalin's chest and kissed him hard, desperately clawing at him, wanting time to just stop.

Dwalin backed him against the wall, his lips never leaving Fili's, his hands tangled in his hair, trying to hold just as tightly as Fili was, pouring every bit of him into the kiss.

Fili broke away, gasping for breath but he never let go of Dwalin.

"I love you, I love you so much." He panted, eyes seeking out Dwalin's.

The warrior froze as the words registered. It hit him like a ton of bricks, stole the air from his lungs.

"I love you too Fili, I always have."

Then Dwalin remembered something and he smiled brightly at his golden boy.

He was going to fix everything.

~~~

Thorin was pacing outside of Fili's room by the time the two of them got down there.

He charged forward, stopping mere inches from Fili's face. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"I slept at Dwalin's." He tried to keep the shake out of his voice.

Thorin shook his head. "Keeping him up with your pathetic blubbering I'm sure! He probably had much better things to do than to look after you."

Dwalin could see the words worming their way into Fili's mind and he nudged him softly with his shoulder, silently reminding him that those were lies.

Thorin grabbed Fili's wrist, the thick rings he wore digging into the princes soft flesh. He whimpered and dug his feet into the floor.

"Get in this fucking room now or it will only be worse." Thorin practically growled.

Dwalin desperately wanted to do something but he couldn't, not yet.

"No Thorin, I don't want to!" Fili struggled to free his wrist.

Thorin dropped it and slapped him hard against the face. Dwalin heard the click of his rings when they connected with Fili's jaw.

Now he was out for blood.

In a swift motion he yanked one of his axes free from its spot on his back and had the blade of it shoved up under Thorin's chin.

"What-"

"If you ever lay a finger on him again, you will answer to me and my axes."

"You have no right!"

"I have the only right!" He pressed until Thorin was backed into the wall. "It's our most sacred law after all, one even the king must obey. If you harm a dwarves one, they may seek out retribution, and do not doubt me when I say, I will hunt you to the ends of the earth if you touch Fili again."

Thorin's eyes darted between the two dwarves before him. Fili was positioned behind Dwalin, his fingers hooked in the warriors belt. Thorin caught the new braid in the blonds hair, held in place by a bead he knew well, one of Dwalin's own that had been given to him by his mother.

Dwalin could tell Thorin was deep in his mind and he backed away.

"You've been my friend my entire life Thorin, but I can't stand by and let you hurt my one, I can't stand by and keep allowing you to live in your darkness." He shook his head and stepped beside Fili. "You need help, Thorin."

"I-" Thorin looked down.

"Give it time." Dwalin held his hand up. "Don't say anything yet."

Thorin straightened his robes and turned his eyes to Fili, somehow they seemed a little less dull.

"There is a council meeting in an hour, I expect you to be there and presentable."

Fili nodded quickly. "Of course uncle."

Thorin left without another word and Fili all but collapsed into Dwalin. His legs shook and his head was spinning.

Dwalin eased him into his room and into a chair.

"You're alright, you did so well." He ran his fingers gently over the forming bruise on Fili's jaw. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop that."

"It's ok, it really doesn't hurt that much."

Dwalin sighed and leaned in, pressing his forehead to Fili's. "Never again, mim razdith."

Fili smiled and pressed his lips to Dwalin's. It was slow and sweet but Fili needed more. His fingers dig into Dwalin's back, yanking at his tunic.

Dwalin laughed and pulled back slightly. "You need to get dressed, you have a meeting and I have recruits to train."

"I'd rather stay here with you."

"Me too lad. But if you want to come back to my room later, I wouldn't stop you." He winked.

Fili sighed dramatically and pushed himself off the chair. "That'll have to do I suppose."

Fili changed quickly, his light blue tunic caught the sun from his window and he looked like the most precious gem Dwalin had ever seen.

Fili caught him starting and blushed. "What? Did I miss a lace?"

"No, you just...Mahal you're perfect Fili."

The blush on his cheeks grew darker. "You're one to talk. Have you seen yourself?"

Dwalin smiled. "Aye, I have. I'd much rather look at you though."

The prince pushed his new braid behind his ear and kissed Dwalin's cheek.

"If...if the meeting finishes quickly and it goes well, could I come watch the recruits?"

"You're the prince, you don't need my permission." He smirked.

"What if I want to ask your permission."

Dwalins mouth went dry. Fili was smart, he knew exactly what he was doing.

"Don't go starting that now. Would make both our tasks quite awkward."

Fili laughed. "Fair point." He adjusted his belt over his tunic.

"I will see you soon." He hesitated at the door.

Dwalin wrapped his arms around him from behind, pressing a small kiss to his neck. "Balin will be there, if anything happens you come find me and I will handle it."

He took a moment to compose himself before leaving for the meeting. Dwalin walked him down there, grinning each time someone noticed the courting braid in the prince's hair. He knew they would have to announce it soon, but for now he was enjoying the whispers as people guessed who it was from.

Fili squeezed his hand discreetly before going into the room where the council was to meet. Dwalin was happy to see that Balin was already in there.

"Good morning prince Fili." He gave him a warm smile.

"Good morning Balin."

Balin looked away but quickly looked back when the bead in Fili's hair caught his attention.

"By my beard...is-is that..."

Fili nodded. "Yes. It just happened. I hope that you'll be alright with it."

Balin threw protocol out the window and wrapped Fili into his arms, hugging him as tight as he could without hurting the poor boy.

"I couldn't be happier!"

"Really?"

"Of course laddie! Dwalin has loved you for as long as I can remember! He will do right by you, I promise."

Fili smiled brightly. "I know he will."

"I had no idea you returned his feelings."

"I have for quite some time. I wasn't sure how to bring it up though."

Balin pulled away and rearranged his clothes and took his seat as the other council members started pouring in. Fili took his seat to the left of Thorin's chair and fiddled with his fingers under the table, his nerves making themselves known.

Fili flinched when Thorin arrived, the large doors slamming behind him. He glanced at his nephew briefly but said nothing directly to him, just started the meeting.

It was painfully boring like they always were but he tried to pay attention to what was being said. He stole a glance at his uncle, finding him just as bored as he was.

He didn't let his eyes linger on him for too long. He glanced down at the bead resting against his shoulder and smiled. He let his mind drift to Dwalin, excitement creeping down his spine.

When the meeting ended Thorin told him to stay behind for a moment.

"You know you'll have to announce your courtship."

"Yes. If there is a time you'd prefer it to be done, let me know."

"I will think of something." He turned away from his nephew. "Are you sure about this?"

"I have never been more sure about something in all my life."

"Dwalin is a good man, loyal." He met his eyes briefly. "You couldn't wish for a better partner."

"I know." He swallowed hard and shifted his feet. "So we have the kings blessing?"

"Not that it matters." He smirked. "But yes, you both have my blessing."

Fili wasn't about to push Thorin further, afraid he'd say the wrong thing and get hit for it.

"Thank you." He dug his nails into his palms, waiting to be struck as the next words left his mouth. "May I be excused now?"

"Yes."

He was tense as he passed his uncle and breathed out deeply when he was in the hall. It went better than Fili expected and he felt like he was flying as he headed to the training area, desperate to see Dwalin again.

He reached up to hold the new bead between his fingers, the smooth weight making him feel grounded and sure.

Dwalin had told him that the bead had been his fathers and his mother kept it until she passed. Dwalin got the ones that belonged to him and Balin took his mother's. It was beautiful and the meaning behind it made Fili's heart flutter. He really was honored to have it.

It was hot in the training area and he shed his coat before entering. All eyes fell on him immediately and the recruits struggled to bow in a timely fashion.

Dwalin rolled his eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt." Fili smiled. "Pretend I'm not even here." He took a seat front and centre.

"Stop ogling our young prince and get back to work!" Dwalin growled.

The warrior had taken his shirt off and Fili watched the sweat drop down his spine, the way his muscles worked as he sparred. Fili had seen his body many times over the years but it never failed to steal his breath away.

He shifted in his seat as the heat pooled low in his stomach and his trousers suddenly felt a lot tighter in the front.

He lost himself watching Dwalin move. He'd sparred with him and seen him in action several times, it always struck him how oddly beautiful it was.

Dwalin must have sensed his eyes on him because he turned to face Fili, smirking all the while, eyes bright like fire.

Fili felt his breath coming quickly, he felt silly but he couldn't help himself!

He pulled his eyes away from Dwalin and stared at the rocks on the ground under his feet until Dwalin dismissed the recruits.

"Are you Alright Fili?"

Fili jumped, not realizing how close Dwalin was. He pulled his tunic back on, eyes still locked on the prince.

"I'm fine." He breathed. "Just...forgot how much I enjoy watching you."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. You're so beautiful out there."

Dwalin scoffed. "I'm not sure beautiful is the right word, lad."

"It very much is the right word. I honestly don't know how I learned anything with you running around with your shirt off like that. Very distracting."

Dwalin pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I thank you for saying so. How did the meeting go?"

Fili squeezed his hand at the sound of the tension in his voice. "It was painfully dull."

Dwalin understood the meaning and smiled wide. "Good!"

Fili followed after Dwalin, staying close by his side as they wandered the halls. Dwalin escorted Fili to his room.

"I need to bathe, if you'd like I can come get you for dinner."

"I would like that. And then, if you're up for it...I would like to go back to your room for the night."

Dwalin's blue-grey eyes darkened. "I'm more than up for it, my prince."

Fili shivered. "Don't take too long."

Dwalin kissed him gently but the need Fili felt in it was undeniable. It left his knees shaking and his heart pounding against his ribs.

He sank against the door as Dwalin walked away, his mind swimming with images of later.


	7. Chapter 7

Dwalin picked him up as promised. He kissed him quickly, pulling him close to his body.

Fili melted into it, allowing himself to just feel Dwalin there. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped when Dwalin broke the kiss.

"What's that noise for?"

"I don't want you to stop."

Dwalin grinned. "I promise I will make it worth the wait."

Fili didn't doubt that for a second. He had imagined what it would be like to be with the warrior so many times, images of his big body pressing Fili into the bed driving his hand on many lonely nights.

He believed with all of his being that Dwalin would be the best kind of lover to have.

"Are you ready, or do you need a minute?" Dwalin chuckled, his eyes falling to the front of Fili's pants.

He blushed. "Hush, lets go."

They walked side by side to the dining hall, closer than normal. It drew a few curious eyes but no one dared say anything. Fili hoped that Dwalin wasn't bothered by the eyes on him.

Dwalin pressed his shoulder against the princes' when he sensed his unease. Fili thanked him with a smile and tried to focus on anything but the quiet whispers behind them.

Dinner was a mostly quiet affair. Dwalin and Fili talked happily, though eating was still something of a sore spot for him. Dwalin never pushed, just gently encouraged and praised.

The prince swore he nearly passed out right at the table when he took a bite of his bread and Dwalin whispered "Good boy". He blushed and ducked his head, feeling stupid for having such a strong reaction to the endearment, but it was something Fili seldom heard, praise for his accomplishments, general words of encouragement...

Hearing it from Dwalin, from the one man he'd longed after for so long, it filled something deep inside of him.

Dwalin raised an eyebrow. "Alright?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat when his voice cracked. "I just...wasn't expecting that. To like that so much I mean."

Dwalin's smile softened. "There is no shame in that, mim razdith. I'll keep it in mind."

Fili sipped his wine, trying to settle the nerves that made his stomach flutter. Dwalin kept the conversation light, pulling easy smiles and quite laughs from his prince.

He noticed Kili and Tauriel watching him, the way his brother would stare and then lean in to whisper to her made Fili shake.

"Don't pay them any mind." Dwalin shot a glare at the younger prince. "If he has a problem he can take it up with me."

"I just worry that maybe you will get tired of people watching us, of them talking about us...maybe it'll chase you away from me."

Dwalin laughed. "Lad, a few gossips hardly get me shaking in my boots! I couldn't care less of the opinions of people I don't even know. The only one that matters to me is you, I love you. I'd climb to the top of Erebor and shout it out if it'd make you happy."

Fili smiled and shook his head. "Well I won't make you go that far."

A few of their friends stopped to talk to them and Fili was ready to burst out of his skin. Dwalin seemed totally fine, relaxed and together as always.

He stayed polite and held the conversation as well as he could, but he had been promised something and he was ready to collect!

He yawned loudly. "I apologize, I've been feeling a little under the weather. I think I'll be retiring for the night."

They were all understanding, wishing him well and bidding him goodnight. He pushed away from the table to leave but his foot caught the leg of the chair, making him nearly fall.

Dwalin stood quickly and grabbed Fili's shoulders.

"Are you Alright? Let me get you to your room."

He didn't let go of him and Fili smirked, proud of himself. Once they were outside of Dwalin's door however, reality came flying in and the nerves made his head spin.

He locked the door and went to stoke the fire. Fili took off his thick tunic and hung it neatly by the door, feeling oddly exposed and vulnerable.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Dwalin asked, his back still turned to fili.

"No, no I'm fine thank you."

Dwalin stood again, turning to face Fili. He was still in the doorway, hands fidgeting. Dwalin smiled and hugged him.

"No need to be nervous, nothing happens that you don't want. I'm in no rush, kidhuzural (golden one)."

"I do want it, I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to do..."

"Do whatever feels right. I'll follow your lead."

It took him a moment to find his courage, but eventually he closed the space and kissed Dwalin. It wasn't hard and hurried, it was slow and he was driving himself absolutely mad but he just desperately wanted to feel.

He slid his hands over Dwalin's broad chest, catching his fingers in the laces of his tunic. He opened it fully and shoved it off, the sound of the fabric hitting the floor sending a thrill up his spine.

Dwalin's skin was hot to the touch and Fili explored the scars he'd seen for so many years, letting his fingers soak them in, learning them in a much different way. His fingers gently brushed the rings through the warriors nipples, making him jerk and hiss into Fili's mouth.

"Bad?"

Dwalin shook his head. "No! Not bad at all Fili, fuck..."

It emboldened him and he tugged the rings carefully while he pulled Dwalin's lip between his teeth.

Dwalin groaned and gripped Fili's slender hips with a bruising force, pressing against the prince in every possible way. He rocked his rigid length against Fili's and the prince thought this would be over too soon. Dwalin just felt too good against him.

Dwalin's rough hands slid up under the light shirt Fili still wore.

"May I?"

Fili nodded quickly and Dwalin yanked the shirt off, tossing it to the side of the room.

It was too much and not enough when their bare chests pressed tight together. Fili could feel Dwalin's heart beat against his own, as if they belonged together.

"Don't want to stand anymore."

Dwalin lifted him until Fili wrapped his legs around Dwalin's hips and moved them to the bedroom. He laid Fili down gently and stood back, drinking in the sight.

"What?" The blush spanned from his chest all the way up to his cheeks.

"You have absolutely no idea how fucking perfect you are do you?" He ran his hands down Fili's smooth chest. "You look like you were put right here by the gods themselves!"

Dwalin covered Fili's body with his, settling easily between his legs.

"I meant what I said, if you don't want something, I will stop."

"I know. I trust you." But he still shook beneath the warrior.

"Fili, are...is this your first time?"

"I...I've done things a few times but...I never did everything." He pulled his eyes away from Dwalin's. "I'm sorry if that is disappointing."

"Why on earth would that be a disappointment?"

"I have no experience, I know you are probably used to partners who know what they are doing."

Dwalin tilted Fili's chin up, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do not bring up the past, they are not here, you are the only one I want. You will be perfect."

"But I've never-"

"We will learn each other together, that's the fun." He kissed down Fili's neck. "Just do what feels right."

His hips jerked up against Dwalin's when he bit down on filis collar bone, a strangled cry filling the air.

"Is that ok?"

"Yes! Please...please!"

Dwalin kissed the area, soothing the sting before nipping and kissing down Fili's strong chest. He stopped at the laces of the prince's pants, waiting for permission. Fili glanced down with heavy lidded eyes and nodded, parting his legs further.

The warrior made quick work of removing them, leaving Fili bare and panting before him. He palmed himself through his trousers, regaining control of himself.

Seeing his golden boy like that, hair tossed across the blankets, chest heaving, legs wide as they invited him in...it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

He kissed up Fili's thighs, his hands following, holding him open. He kissed his hips, teased with teeth and tongue, ignoring his cock completely.

Fili arched off the bed. "Please Dwalin! Touch me!"

He smiled at the boys eagerness but he himself was in no place to deny him. He decided at some point he'd tie his prince down and tease him until he was completely ruined and begging for it.

Dwalin wasted no time, he engulfed Fili's cock in one swift motion, taking him all the way to the back of his throat.

Fili cried out, his back bowing from the sudden intensity. He dug his fingers into the bed, and bit into his lip to keep quiet.

Dwalin sat back and touched his face. "Do not try to hide your sounds, love, I want to hear you."

He took Fili back into his mouth, teasing with his tongue.

Fili had experienced this before but never with someone who had Dwalin's skill. He was going to lose himself embarrassingly fast if Dwalin didn't stop.

"Dwalin, fuck!" He gasped when Dwalin took him all the way down again. "You have to stop, don't want to come like this!"

Dwalin met his eyes and pulled off obscenely slowly.

"How do you want to come then?"

Fili closed his eyes, even here like this he felt shy and uncertain.

"I want you inside me."

Dwalin groaned at the words. "You are going to be the death of me, love."

He reached over to the table beside his bed and grabbed the small vile of oil. He let Fili watch as he poured some over his fingers.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Dwalin circled his finger gently around Fili's entrance, letting him get used to the sensation.

"You need to relax and breathe, even if it seems odd ok?"

He nodded and pulled Dwalin down to kiss him again. He eased his first finger inside, slowly, letting Fili's body get used to every inch of the new feeling.

His breath came sharper and Dwalin kissed across his jaw.

"Relax, you're breathing too fast." Fili finally calmed himself and Dwalin smiled. "There you go, such a good boy."

Fili moaned at the praise and Dwalin worked his finger a little faster. He kept his pace steady until Fili was begging for more.

He worked the second digit in the same as he had with the first, slow and steady.

Fili needed more time, seeming ashamed when he asked Dwalin to hold still for a moment.

"Take all the time you need, mim razdith."

He kissed him again and felt Fili relax around him but kept still until he was told to move. Eventually Fili was open and desperately clawing at Dwalin, begging for more.

Dwalin slicked his own cock and lined himself up. It was slow, so painfully slow that Dwalin really wasn't sure he'd last.

Fili was so tight and the little desperate mewls didn't help. Dwalin wrapped his hand around Fili's cock and stroked slowly, allowing Fili's body to relax a little more.

By the time he was fully inside his prince, he was panting and his heart sounded like thunder to his own ears.

"You feel so fucking good, kidhuzural, you were made for me."

Fili's nails dig deeper into Dwalin's back. "I'm-I'm yours Dwalin."

He smiled and bit at his collar bone. "Aye, of course you are. My perfect golden prince. You truly are a beautiful sight like this. Want to keep you here all night."

"Move! Please I'm ready!"

Both of them moaned when Dwalin pulled his hips back and thrust back into Fili's willing body.

It was almost too much, Dwalin felt drunk off of it. To have Fili like this, to have the honor of being his first, it filled him with more love and admiration for his little prince than he thought possible.

Mahal had truly blessed him!

He moved faster once Fili seemed comfortable, allowing his thrusts to deepen, to hit the spot inside the boy that made his body arch off the bed.

Dwalin stroked Fili in time with his thrusts, losing himself in the way Fili sounded.

"Dwalin I...I'm-"

"It's ok, let go I've got you."

He thrust into Dwalin's fist and finished with his name filling the air like a prayer.

Watching Fili give into the pleasure, feeling him tighten around Dwalin sent him tumbling over the edge with him. He buried himself to the hilt and filled his prince.

He caught Fili's lips easily, hoping that every ounce of love he felt would pour from his kiss and into Fili.

"I love you."

Fili gave him a sleepy smile. "I love you too."

Dwalin was careful when he pulled out of Fili's tired body. He got a cloth and cleaned him up before climbing into bed beside him, pulling him flush against his chest.

"Are you feeling alright?"

He nodded. "I feel amazing."

Dwalin kissed his hair and ran his fingers down Fili's spine.

He smiled when Fili's breathing evened out, his head still cradled up to Dwalin's heart.

He knew things were far from perfect, Fili was still hurt in so many ways and it would take time for him to fully heal, he knew it was going to be an uphill battle.

He knew some days would be a struggle for the both of them, but he loved Fili enough to do it.

For Fili, for his little golden prince who slept peacefully in the safety of his arms...there was nothing he wouldn't stand against.


End file.
